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Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

that is such a stupid reason
plus i said it 2 her first so that means mine has more worth

look ok
this convos gonna b another free pass to get lame embarrasin shit out off the way
*if
**of
after the other day i went 2 talk w dirk and i was gonna call u up before and say maybe we should try like being a thing
but then jade happened
and i just wanted to drop it because she should b happy
and u should b happy too?
like regardless of quadrant shit i fifured red is probably better than black for ppl or something
*figured
and idk i guess im just used to that being a thing that happens w me
like im doomed 2 like ppl my friends like thus putting them off limits
but then part of me is like why should i?

i guess what im sayin here is i just want 2 b certain on what u 2 were thinking about whats going on
like if she does rly like u
or if that can even b a real thing for u on account of her being just about human love

Posted by

biifurcatiion

ii2 that actually how iit work2?
thii2 2eem2 two be a giirl exclu2iive thiing and iit 2ound2 liike a lot of hoofbea2t2hiit.

the thiing ii2 for me iit'2 not even a problem.
troll2 by nece22iity are iincliined two fiill all four quadrant2.
two two keep the 2peciie2 aliive, black and red, one two keep your alliie2 aliive, that'2 pale, and one two keep everybody el2e from kiilliing each other, whiich ii2 a2hen.
there'2 no hiierarchy of 2uperiioriity there.
two me iit ii2n't more iimportant two be red for her than iit ii2 two be black for you, they are entiirely 2eparate thiing2 that have no beariing on each other what2oever.
but iit ii2nt liike that for her.
and what ii wa2 afraiid of ii2 that iit 2ouldnt be po22iible for you.
2he doe2nt feel liike 2he could accept that iif ii were for all extent2 and purpo2e2 kii22iing you for any rea2on that iit2 not emotiionally deva2tatiing two her, regardle22 of whether or not ii hate you and piity her.

but the thiing about both of tho2e ii2 that you 2hould be happy wiith where you end up.
iin a perver2e 2ort of way, wiith your kii2me2ii2, ii gue22, but iif 2ome part of me diidnt enjoy hatiing you then ii wouldnt want two be iinvolved wiith you at all.
whiich mean2 ii care enough two be wiilliing two fiilliibu2ter the fuck out of eiither of you iif iit'2 goiing two make you mii2erable iin the long run two try and fiigure out who get2 what they want.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

no it isnt how it works not officlially
or maybe it is like somr sort of unofficual girl code who the fuck knows
anyway
thats what i thought
like i know she doesnt get it at all because for humans they only have the one kind of romance
and i know im meant to just be like that too but
i guess im just screwed up more than i thought or something to even consider it
but i talked it over w dirk and he helped me out a lot
he understood what i was trying to do here
and when feferi was still here? even tho you two were a thing also i guess it didnt matter too much to mebecause i knew the difference
or maybe that was b/c it was her and she kept kind of like
encounraceing me to start up rivalry stuff w you
* encouraging
and i knew it was something she was ok with
and the conclusion i came to before was that i would b ok w it too
and theres a chance it could cause problems for me later on
like if some other guy was into me in a love way but they wouldnt give me the time of day for having a sort of bf already
but i was willing to just take that chance
i mean noboddy is here forever i feel like we shoudl make the most of it

whereas if u and jade were a thing i don tthink i could
it would hurt her plus it would just be way 2 weird
i jsut dont want 2 do something that would make her hate me
or u regret it
thats all

Posted by

biifurcatiion

fuck.
ii cant ju2t piick, roxy.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

i know
thats not what i meant exactly
i meant
wlel
to be hoens ti dont even know what i meant

Posted by

biifurcatiion

are you ok?

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

huh
yeam im fine?
why wouldnt i be

Posted by

biifurcatiion

uh, becau2e we cant fuckiing get thii2 2traiightened out?
but ii'm tryiing two fiigure out iif there2 an emotiional pattern two your typo2.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

there is no patterm to them im just a bit drunk rn
and trying to go back and edit typops is just a waste of fucking time
*typos

Posted by

biifurcatiion

that wa2 my 2econd gue22.
ii dont know what ii'm goiing two do, roxy.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

what is it you WANT to do

Posted by

biifurcatiion

ii want two do 2everal thiing2, 2ome of whiich arent po22iible and quiite a few of whiich are NOT DEAL WIITH THII2.
ii want two not fuck thiing2 up two the poiint where nobody ii2 2peakiing two each other.
ii want two go black wiith you and ii would want two go red wiith her, maybe, ii thiink, giiven tiime, but ii dont thiink 2he wiill ever let me do that.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

she doesnt get it
i mean not even anything 2 do w me here
u know dating jade would mean not datin anyone else

Posted by

biifurcatiion

ye2 2he made that abundantly clear.
ii 2aiid iit wa2nt all po22iible.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

yeah
ok
jus checking

Posted by

biifurcatiion

can we do iit wiithout her hatiing eiither of u2?
legiitiimately, not what 2he keep2 2ayiing becau2e 2ome of that ha2 two be a load of 2hiit.
you have two liive wiith her.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

i know if i said it would mean it
and i want tot hink she would only say it if she meant it

Posted by

biifurcatiion

yeah.

do you want two come over, maybe.

Posted by

tipsygnostalgia

um

yeah
u mean like now?

Posted by

biifurcatiion

iif you want.
ii'm not doiing anythiing and ii dont really know why ii 2aiid that, ii gue22 iit 2eemed liike the riight thiing two a2k?
fuck, ii mean, ii want you two iif you want two.